You’re a parent of a Competition soccer player so what are your responsibilities?
Let’s start with the coach’s responsibilities.
A coach is working with a team, not a group of individual players. There is not enough time to train individual players during practice. Coaching a team is much more than coaching a group of individuals. A coach looks out for the benefit of the team.
A coach chooses to have players in certain roles on the team. These roles are all equally important, though every role may not have the same time on the field.
A coach makes decisions in the heat of a game. Are they always right? No, because a coach is not perfect. Will a coach make mistakes? Absolutely, But a coach will see his mistakes and do better the next time. Are coaching mistakes determined based only on what an individual parent sees? No, because the parent is not looking at the overall team, the parent has tunnel vision.
Are coaches responsible if a player feels slighted or hurt because he didn’t play as much as usual? No, the coach is not responsible for the player’s response.
As a player ages through the system the coach will make choices and not necessarily communicate with the individual players because there is not enough time during the chaos of a game. An older player needs to be prepared for playing high school or college soccer and that means not being spoon fed an explanation every time a coach makes a decision. This is a life lesson as well as the reality in competition soccer.
Now understanding the coach’s responsibilities what are the parent’s responsibilities?
A parent is responsible for supporting his child. This means listening and talking through issues with his child. This does not mean verbally attacking a coach because a certain player didn’t get what he wanted or what he thought he deserved in playing time. Playing time is determined by team match-ups against the opposition, formations, and making decisions based on the best for the team.
A parent is responsible for speaking to a coach after at least 24 hours after a game. Let’s look at some effective ways to communicate with coaches.
Why are you needing to speak to the coach? What is your motive? Is it that your child complained, that you arm-chair coached and the coach’s decisions didn’t align with yours? Is it that you don’t believe your child should be communicating with the coach? If so, why do you feel that way?
Don’t jump a coach after a game. The coach is trying to get the game out of his head, and you attacking him does nothing to resolve the situation. If you have something to say, ask the coach if you can meet with him. Do not send an angry text or email. That’s the parent being out of control and why would anyone want to deal with a person like that?
Try asking the coach about the “why” of the problem you have. Communicate and listen. With this type of dialogue both you and the coach can come up with a solution or at least you will both understand the other’s perspective.
Ask what your child can do to be a better player. Don’t make a remark about how the coach isn’t doing that for your child. Don’t blame the club or the coach because you were negligent in getting your child additional help. Listen and be the parent and help your child. Again, the coach cannot do everything for every player.
Coaches are people. They have good days and bad days, just like you. For some reason people believe coaches have to take everything that’s dished out to them, without emotion, and then do what the parent asks. It doesn’t work that way.
Before you are angry at the coach, see if the good outweighs the bad. Has the coach been supporting your player? Has the coach held practices and taken time to create team bonding? If the coach has done positive things, and you are angry about one individual thing, than take a step back and re-assess.
Give the coach the benefit of the doubt. Coaches are not perfect, but a coach chooses to help your child. A coach tries his best to teach your child not only about soccer but some life lessons along the way. The coach is not the parent. That’s your job.